"A Perfect Spot for Eyes Fishing" by Robert Jeschonek
Robert Jeschonek spins a tale of a cosmic angler finally reeling in his divine catch, from our "Monsters 2024" installment.
One of the things that I enjoy most about Weird Fiction is its ability to conjure up settings and situations that I would never imagine myself. A good weird tale stretches the brain to the point where you can't help but ask yourself, "What the hell did I just read?"
Today's tale by Robert Jeschonek first appeared in our Monsters 2024 installment, where we challenged our authors to send us some of the most interesting and creative monster stories to launch our new 2024 publication year. Robert delivered in spades, evoking (for me at least) the best of Jack Kirby, H.P. Lovecraft, Robert E. Howard, and Al Ewing. (If you enjoy this story, check out Ewing's We Only Find Them When They're Dead, a comic series which wrapped up not too long ago.)
So, without further ado...
A Perfect Spot for Eyes Fishing
by Robert Jeschonek
Finally, a bite!
He-Angler tugged on the fishing line, battling his catch in the depths of the hole he’d cut in the dead giant god’s frozen left eye. The creature struggled fiercely, but He-Angler, who’d fished the eyes of gods for millennia, wasn’t about to give up the fight.
Because this catch meant everything to him. It was his last chance to get a glimpse of She-Gonda, the love of his life, and attain closure for the loss of her.
The only way to see the last moments of a loved one killed by a god was to catch and devour an eye-selkie creature from the god’s frozen eyeball in the corpse-winter that raged after their death. Why else do you think He-Angler had spent a lifetime wetting lines in such eyes for astronomical fees?
When it came to the god he now fished, though, the job was personal. This god—massive as a planet, 80-thousand-armed, and turquoise from head to toe—had murdered She-Gonda and billions more while He-Angler was away on business from the realm they had called home.
He-Angler had tracked down the god responsible…and found him dead by unknown means. Not questioning the lucky find, He-Angler had gotten right to the fishing, hoping to snag a selkie as he often did from the milky fluid underneath the eyeball’s frozen crust.
Finally, it seemed he was close to landing his prize. “Come on, you bastard!” He-Angler fought with all his might as the selkie thrashed.
Then, suddenly, the fighting stopped, and the line went slack. All was quiet and still…
…until the selkie shot up and flopped on the edge of the hole, spinning the hook around his finger. His iridescent ice-blue skin shimmered—his upper body shaped like that of a hairless primate, his lower body like the tail of a seal.
“Gotcha!” The selkie grinned. “I finally caught your ass!”
He-Angler scowled. “I’m the one who caught you.”
“You got it all wrong, pal. This guy…” he patted the dead god’s eye, “…was just the bait. I killed him with my disbelief and loss and left a trail to lead you to his corpse so I could reel you in.
“I’ve been fishing for you ever since you caught my family in the eyes of God-Trod and his twin Goddess-Shod. I wasn’t there to save them that day, but someone who was—a floater called Thy-Stye—tipped me off about who you were. Later, I found out about this god killing off your beloved.”
He-Angler couldn’t evade the selkie’s tail-swipe that swooped his way, knocking him down and cracking his skull on the icy eye-crust. In a heartbeat, the selkie loomed over him with gleaming fangs and claws bared.
“I need to see their last minutes,” roared the beast. “Everyone knows, after all your catches, you’re pretty much a god yourself…a god among eyes-fishermen. So excuse me as I say a quick grace before feasting on whatever selkies may reside in your eyes: bon appétit!”
As always, we have questions and our authors have answers...
WFQ: What was your favorite weird fiction that you read this past year?
RJ: "Eaten," a story by Mike Zimmerman in the forthcoming Pulphouse Fiction Magazine #36.
WFQ: Where else have you been published in 2024?
RJ: A number of places:
"Night of the Moto-Men" in Betrayal: Mystery, Crime, and Mayhem #17.
"Kolchak: The Night Stalker: The Tomorrow Ghost" and "Captain Midnight: The Traitor of Midnight Mesa" in Moonstone Triple Threat, 2024.
"Ear Worm" in Black Cat Weekly #133.
"Clashing Outfits" in Stupefying Stories Showcase #133.
"The Zombie Rideshare" in Stolen Cars: Mystery, Crime, and Mayhem #18.
"The Secret Language of Birds" in Minstrels in the Galaxy: Stories in the Key of Tull, Volume 1.
"Talk to the Ham (Sandwich)" in Cooking Up Crime: Mystery, Crime, and Mayhem #19.
"Kitty on a Hot, Dying Star" in Pulphouse Fiction Magazine #32.
"An Imp in Spy's Clothing" in Black Cat Mystery Magazine #15.
"Blue Laws" in Crimeucopia: Let Me Tell You About....
"Death Rattle" in Remo Williams, The Destroyer: The Adventures Continue.
WFQ: What are you working on for 2025?
RJ: A story for the anthology Cold War Cthulhu.
WFQ: Where can folks follow you online?
RJ: I'm online at www.bobscribe.com.
Join us tomorrow as we take a break from folk horror and monsters and dive into our summer Road Trip 2024 issue!